We're facebook friends in real life
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
