Im at strip club and am horny
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
