i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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