I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
