Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
