we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
