shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
