ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
