It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
