things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize