im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
