if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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