Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
