how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
