i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
