shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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