CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
