His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
