Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
