He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
