I wish i was in the wii world.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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