I'm so fucking centered right now
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
