is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
