i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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