She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
