my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
