Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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