i already hear my dad disowning me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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