I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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