Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
