lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
