So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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