someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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