I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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