I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
