If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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