The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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