You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
