you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
