this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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