Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
