All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
