I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
