shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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