Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
