ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
