I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
