I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
