we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
