Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
