Acid is not a monday night drug
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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